Friendly neighbors are going to the dogs

My boyfriend, Steve and I recently became the proud "parents" of a long-haired dachshund puppy named Ruby. She is excruciatingly cute; everyone in our complex loves her. She's seriously the most popular mammal at Rivercrest Apartments.

Now, being a new dog owner, I was previously never privy to how CRAZY some other dog owners can be. For example, my neighbor came over to me one day with her Terrier when I was walking Ruby so that they could "meet" each other. We talked for 15 minutes before I even found out this woman's name. Why is that, you ask? Well, because the entire time we were "talking," she was asking me questions through Ruby in puppy baby talk, indicating to me that she was asking these questions in her dog's voice...such as, "and how old are you Miss Ruby?? Come on Max, say, 'I'm a little boy, I'm 2 years old'!" She knows that the dog can't answer, but is still asking her the question. Then I awkwardly reply in my regular Caroline-the-human voice with "She's 5 months," only for her to look at me in shock and disgust. She then rubbed Ruby behind the ears and said "I bet you're daddy's girl aren't you? Yes you are, say, 'yes I am'!"

A few days later, this same woman saw Steve walking Ruby. I think he described the situation best when he said "A stranger came up to us today and had a 10 minute long conversation with Ruby...I've never seen this woman before. I seriously thought she was going to ask her out for lunch."

This past weekend, Steve and I were playing with Ruby in the courtyard. We were playing fetch, but she was leashed. A woman walked by us with her two hugenormous dogs (I use the term "dogs" loosely...one looked like a Pumbaa from "The Lion King," and the other like White Fang). I'd also like to point out that both dogs were muzzled. Anywho...Ruby, who is 7 pounds and possesses a great deal of "little man" syndrome, sort of lunged at the two dogs. They lunged back at her, jumping about and snarling and snorting ominously like a couple of rabid monkeys. That is, if monkeys were big and fat with fangs and had to be muzzled. Ruby backed away and whimpered, while the crazy crack-addled behavior of the two beasts persisted. The woman gave both leashes a protective tug, huffed at us snippily, and said "Come on boys, stay away from her!" She shot me a horrified look, so as to say "Keep that wild animal in a cage!" At first, I was offended. Those dogs obviously would have had the upper hand in the situation...I mean, literally they could have ingested Ruby as well as both of us and gone back home to eat Alpo. Then I remembered that this woman was unfortunate all around: delusional about life, stout and spandex-clad, and she lives in a one-bedroom apartment with a wolf and a warthog. I laughed to myself and rewarded my brave "daddy's girl" with a toss of the old squeaky toy.