Bring on the salmonella

So the FDA has issued a recall of several peanut butter products apparently. I recieved a voicemail today from ShopRite of a recorded message. It went something like this:

"Our Price Plus records indicate that you have purchased FDA recalled products recently. Jarred peanut butter for consumer use has not been recalled. For more information, please go to www.FDA.gov. Thank you."

So lemme get this straight. I get a voicemail, telling me that I've purchased poison, and they don't tell me what that poison is? Awesome. Good thing they let me know that jarred peanut butter is not tainted. Really, I'm sure most things I've eaten aren't tainted...but WHAT IS?? I think that's really the key piece of information for a call like this. They're like "oh, b-t-dubbs, some kind of grocery you bought, sometime in life at shop rite might kill you. Wellp, enjoy!" Why call me if you're not going to tell me what foods of mine are going to kill me?

The easy solution would be to dump the contents of the fridge, but here's the problem: we moved this weekend, and before we did so we avoided shopping and ATE EVERYTHING WE HAD. Yep, tainted pb crackers, and keebler cookies, and cliff bars and all. Here's the thing. Steve is a hypochondriac. Since he's the person that usually consumes the snacks in the house, I think I just won't tell him about this recall. I'll just wait for him to get sick, and then make him run around so he'll sweat it out. That's how you get rid of salmonella, right? Sweating it out? I dunno, I'm not a doctor. All I know is that my sister had salmonella once and it wasn't that bad. And by not that bad I mean she had crippling squirts for weeks and was hospitalized. But hey, she didn't have to go to work! High five!